Dear Girl Scouts of America,
Let me begin by saying I’m a big, BIG fan. I love your uniforms and your sashes covered in bright patches for doing things that make our world a better place. And I’m not at all jealous of those patches, which make the nine patches I earned as a wee Brownie look unimpressive. Nope, not at all jealous. Or bitter.
In fact I have fond memories of dressing up in my Brownie regalia and singing about gold and silver friends. Although to tell you the truth, my friends don’t actually like it when I point out that they’re only a silver friend. That would have been a helpful verse.
Make new friends,
but keep the old.
Be sure not to tell the silvers
they’re not gold.
Speaking of brownies, I love any organization that lets you start out being called a sweet treat. In fact it’s a trend I think you should continue up the ranks. First you’re a Brownie, then a Samoa, then a Thin Mint, etc., until you reach the pinnacle of your Girl Scoutness and become at long last a hallowed Tagalong, by far the most superior of all your cookies.
It’s your cookies that have prompted me to write this letter. I love the cookies. I ate some
for breakfast this morning after a well-balanced dinner, of course. I have just one teensy, tiny problem with the cookies: the serving sizes on the boxes are wrong. I’m not sure who’s in charge of the packaging, but they need to spend some time crunching numbers and crunching some cookies. It is a well-known fact that a serving size of Thin Mints is one sleeve. Equally well-known is the fact that a box of Tagalongs is a single serving in itself. Please, darling Girl Scouts, speak to the powers that be and remedy this misinformation quickly. I’m sure this extremely important act of public service will earn you a shiny new patch for your sash.
Alicia, former Brownie