How to Be Sick

I was sick this past weekend.  I’m talking raging fever, clogged head, hurts to move kind of sick.  And yet I had a good weekend.

Huh?

No, really, I had a good weekend because I know how to be sick.  I know getting sick is my body’s way of telling me to take a serious time out.  Here’s what I did this weekend, a how to of sorts on being sick.  (This only applies if you are childless or better yet if your children are old enough to wait on you hand and foot.)

  1. Get comfy.  Slip out of your work clothes and into your pajamas and slippers.  This was especially easy for me as Friday was Pajama Day so I was already properly attired before I even walked through the front door.
  2. Gather supplies.  For me this included a good book, the Bible study I’m in the middle of, the remote control, tissue, a garbage bag, a bottle of ibuprofen, my laptop and the biggest glass of water I could find.  I placed everything within arm’s reach and hunkered down so that in between bouts of sleep I wrote, read, and caught up on tv.
  3. Sleep.  I set up camp on the couch in the living room and I turned to page 1 of my book, noticed that the words were a little swimmy, and promptly fell asleep for several hours.  When I woke from bizarre fevered dreams about cat acrobats, cheese, and former students, I actually felt a smidge better.  In fact, when I reached for my book, the words were all back in the right place on the page.
  4. Say yes.  This is no time to be Independent Spice.  Say yes when your hubby, child, trained dog, or other loved one offers to:

a)get you food, including your favorite candy

b) do the laundry

c) empty the dishwasher

d) rent a movie

e) change the sheets

f) grocery shop

g) get you umpteen glasses of water

h) all of the above

My hubby is an ‘all of the above’ kind of guy, which brings me to point number five.

5.  Thank your hubby or other loved one profusely for taking such good care of your burning inferno, mucus-filled carcass.  Even thank him for renting that really bad movie, which was just as confusing and strange as your fever induced dreams.

6. Say no.  Say no to checking your work e-mail or worse yet, working on report cards.  Say no hanging out with friends, even if they are going to your favorite burger joint.  Say no to anything that requires you moving from your horizontal position for more than 10 minutes.  The exception to this rule is showering.

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7. Shower.  Shower long.  Shower often.  Stay in the shower until you fingers are pruny and the steam has loosened every aching muscle.  Later when your fever spikes and you start seeing acrocats performing a circus in your living room, hop back in the shower and crank the water on cold until your brain stops boiling inside your skull.

8. Drink water.  Repeat.  Repeat.  Repeat until this beastly illness has no choice but to be flushed out.  Literally.

9.  Ignore.  Ignore your hubby when he says romantic things like “You sound like death.”  Frankly, it’s probably true and there is no need to exact revenge by breathing your horrid germs all over his pillow.  Revisit steps #4 and #5.

10.  Repeat steps 1-9 as needed until your are finally able to join the land of the living again.

P.S. One of my favorite books comes out on paperback today.  So if you’re sick on the couch and in need of a good read or, better yet, completely healthy check it out.

10 thoughts on “How to Be Sick”

  1. Oh, dear, hope you’re feeling better real soon. Cool video.
    I was an accidental endurance cyclist too. Need to get back into it. It is amazingly fun and addictive.

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    1. Zahara, I’m an accidental endurance cyclist in that I tend to fall over on my bike a lot and also in the sense that I became an endurance cyclist sort of by accident. So the question is, which kind of accidental endurance cyclist are you? The latter, I hope!

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      1. I can sooooo relate. I became an endurance cyclist one day when I gave a ride to a cute endurance cyclist with a broken derailleur. We ended up dating and I took up cycling in a big way, three century rides in the first 4 months. We broke up but the cycling addiction stuck for three years.
        During the first week of being clipped in I fell over three times. That is a wonderful feeling, n’est pas? So I guess I’m both kinds also.

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      2. Wow, Zahara 3 centuries in 4 months??? You’re so much tougher than I am, but at least I’m in good company when I forget to clip out! 😉

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  2. I’m sorry to hear of your sickness. Hope you are on the mend. With such a positive attitude, that’s sure to be soon.

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    1. Thanks for your well wishes, Hippie. I’m feeling much better. There’s nothing like a gorgeous California day and the good company of a roomful of six year olds to chase away the sickness! 🙂

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  3. WOW! I’m printing out your instructions on “how to be sick” for the next time I’m down so I can do it with style. I like how you roll, sick or healthy.

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    1. Chris, not that I wish this on you, but it was really nice taking it easy this weekend and being taken care of. I’m sure my mom would give you the same treatment Terry gave me! 🙂

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